Wednesday, 3 December 2014

For the Girls Wounded by the Boys Who Won't Commit

Its bound to happen in your life. God knows its happened a few times in mine and I'm not even 21 yet. Its part of growing up and therefore part of your learning process and it sucks so badly but I guess its necessary because it helps you to distinguish between the immature idiots and the ones who are actually worth your time and effort. I'm not at that point yet. I probably won't be for a while but I'll get there. And so will you.
This post is mainly for girls, not that it doesn't apply to guys as well but obviously I'm writing from my own perspective and therefore from the perspective of a female.

If its not happened to you yet it probably will do. Its just one of those stages in life that you have to go through. You'll end up falling for someone who doesn't want to commit. Maybe you'll know that beforehand but you're so convinced that he'll end up falling for you as much as you've fallen for him that you convince yourself that he'll/she'll change their mind. Or maybe you won't know it beforehand and you'll find it out much further down the line when its too late and you're in too deep. That's the worst one. That one kills you. I've happened to have experienced both, more recently the former. 

For the relationship where they won't commit and you have no idea that that is the case until its too late, there's nothing that can be done about that. You can't see that coming and it will hit you like a train when it does. But for the guy who tells you upfront that they 'don't want a relationship right now' or words to that effect, please do not convince yourself that you are the one girl that will change his mindset. Because you're not. That's not me being harsh because I've been there and I've thought that, very recently in fact, its just that it doesn't happen. Just because you've made someone your world, doesn't mean they've made you theirs. If they don't want a relationship it means they want to be able to do what they're doing with you, with plenty of other girls as well and not have to feel guilty about it. You are not the exception. You are not the one that is going to make them turn around and go 'oh I've been wrong all along, this girl is amazing and is exactly what I want in life'. No one is going to make them change their mind other than themselves. And maybe they'll get to that point eventually but it will be long after they've left you behind and left you thinking 'silly girl, what made you think the boy who doesn't care about anything would care about you?'
Not only does this type of relationship leave you feeling broken hearted, but it also absolutely kills your feelings of self-worth. You start to question whats wrong with yourself and why no one wants to be with you and you come to the conclusion that it must be because you're not good enough. But thats not it at all. The only thing wrong with you is that you fell for the wrong person. Its all on them. Its their issue that they have to fix, its got nothing to do with you. You didn't do anything wrong and there is nothing wrong with you. You deserve someone who goes out of their way to make it obvious that they want you in their life.

So for all those people out there (including me) who have found themselves in this kind of situation: stop wanting someone that doesn't want you back - you're wasting your time, love. And for all those people who won't commit to someone who so clearly would do anything in the world for you: (on a very personal level) fuck you, I was worth it and fuck you for making me think for the slightest second that I wasn't.

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