Friday, 30 October 2015

Proud of My Weight

Recently I've been yo-yoing between liking my body and feeling massive. When I look in the mirror, I generally like what I see. Yes, I could do with some toning up, but other than that there's nothing wrong with my size. I'm a size 10 which is in no way large. However, when I look back at old pictures of myself from 2-1 years ago, or I try on clothes that used to be baggy on me, I feel massive and realise the weight I've put on. 

Last night, for example. We were having a Halloween get together at our flat and I put on my Daphne costume. It fit but it was quite tight and I remember 2 years ago how it hung off of me and I got pretty bummed out thinking about how much weight I must have put on. 

But then it hit me. 

My weight now is my normal weight. For my height, its the average weight that I should be. A couple of years ago, or even last year, however, my weight was a few pounds away from being on the underweight scale for my height. 
Back then I knew that I had lost some weight because I was running a lot, but I still thought I was quite big when I looked in the mirror. Looking back at pictures of me then, however, and I can see how skinny I was. 
The day that picture was taken I remember feeling really uncomfortable wearing a bikini all day in front of people, and thinking my stomach was looking bloated or my legs looked big but looking at the picture now, I wish I could go back to that size! And then I remember how unhappy I was then. 

Back then I was running 5k almost every day. And although I do miss being so motivated about going to the gym and being able to run 5k in the time that I used to be able to, I also remember how running was my escape. I wasn't able to process the thoughts in my head, and my mind and emotions were so muddled up which was so upsetting and confusing for me, and it all made me retreat into myself. When I was running however, my mind was able to clear up for a bit. For some reason, I was able to process my feelings and thoughts better when I was on the treadmill and it made me feel happier and stronger. And so it became quite addictive. It was the only time when my thoughts and feelings weren't really consuming me. 

So yes, I am bigger now than when I was back then. But I'm fine with my body and I also know that I'm bigger because I don't have the need to run everyday to sort out my mind. I'm happy with the fact that I'm happier in myself and so I don't need to rely on the treadmill anymore. The fact that I've put on weight means that I've sorted out my mind and I'm not addicted to the feeling that running gave me. And I'm happy about that. So although I'm bigger, I'm fine with my body and I'm actually proud of the weight I've put on (in a strange way) because it shows that I've overcome that period in my life and I'm better for it.

Friday, 2 October 2015

The Book Barn, CT/RI

For anyone who is a book lover and is in the area of Connecticut/Rhode Island, you have to visit The Book Barn in Niantic, CT. 

Whilst there are 4 different locations dotted around the area, the one in Niantic is by far the best. I was expecting, as the name suggests, a barn full of books, but it was so much more than that. There was a main house and then a few more shed's and huts placed around a garden area, all filled to the brim with books. Any books you could think of. And they were all $1! 

It was amazing. I loved it so much. Not only am I a book lover and so this place appealed to my literary side, I am also an animal lover which was great because the book barn had goats that you could hand feed, but it was also home to a number of cats who were so used to visitors that you could go up and stroke them and they wouldn't bat an eyelid. The barn has a leaflet with all the different cats on it, including their names and their usual hang out places around the book barn so you can go and find them.

If you want to have a browse around the book barn, but you don't want to drag around your unenthusiastic young kids, don't fear! The book barn has an outside playground that kids can go and have a run around on whilst you go and search out that book you've been wanting to read forever. 

Its easy to spend hours at this place and I could easily have spent the whole day there. It was so relaxing to be surrounded by nature and books and cats. 

Good thing I didn't stay there longer though, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to carry all the books I would have bought back to Glasgow! I already bought 6!

If anyone is near this book barn, or even if you're not, it is definitely worth the road trip to come and visit this place. I was in Westerly RI, but it was only a half an hour drive there and it was so worth it. It is so quaint and relaxing and it will make you fall in love with books all over again.